Sometimes I feel like falling apart… it feels like a massacre just inside of me… screaming, chaos, full of sadness, anger, resentment. It is a "what-the-f*ck moment" where I question everything and want to run away. But I am already traveling, so I am literally on the run anyway. So what is it that we all feel in those moments, when shit hits the fan and we just want to escape?

To me, it is disappointment. It is a plan that did not work out, a wish, a desire that I wanted to be fulfilled, but instead smashed to the ground into a thousand pieces. My wish was to arrive, to partner up, to really really build and create a relationship and a home.

And I will feel myself through it… through this disappointment, through this desert of f*cking heartbreak… but I also wanna learn. I want to learn from my experience. Because life is not punishing me, it gives me feedback… a very clear one indeed.

I cry, I feel, I am angry (mostly at myself for not seeing the red flags) but I forgive myself. I get up and I write this… write this to comfort myself and maybe also comfort you.

I have high standards, high morals, high values. I am one of those people who actually does something when I see suffering. I actually walk up to a person who cries and ask if they need anything. I am vegan, because I really do love animals… ALL of them. And I buy my clothes at a local shop to support a woman and her business, that is real and not made by children’s hands. I do not wait for change… I AM the change kind of woman.

Why do I write this? Because it is not enough for me to just feel it ALL… the anger, the pain, the frustration. I want to use my emotions (energy in motion), to create, mostly a new version of myself. I want to be so real that no AI could ever replace me. I want to be so real that not even an inch of fakeness can exist next to me.

BECAUSE I WANT the world to change… I want to be the living example that we do not have to abandon our values nor our emotions to live this life in line with who we really are, deep down in our hearts.

And that is why I do not accept BULLSHIT. I do not accept shitty behavior, crossing boundaries, big & little lies. I do not accept animal exploitation, manipulation, and big or little insults. I do not accept it, because how are we all going to evolve as humans if all we do is accept everything silently… just to keep a f*cking false peace. How???

It is up to us. The more we are, the better. I am so fed up, with this whole lightness and love, mushroom & other plant medicine abusing culture… this alcohol, frontal cortex shutting down epidemic that makes us obedient and low-valued people that seek nothing more than the next sensation to forget about life and who we truly want to be.

How can evolution happen if all we do is look away and silence our voices with another technique?

We need to start to hold each other accountable, for f*ck sake! It is about time to call out the Epsteins, the war makers (governments) and all of us who are lying and cheating and manipulating. And not only that… there need to be consequences to their behavior. Heads need to roll… some of them metaphorically and some of them literally. It doesn't matter which gender, which position or what situation.

It is time to really walk the talk. To act. To do. Show some backbone and integrity HUMANITY!

We need to stand up...for ourselves, for eachother and for the world. and moreover we need to start seeing and naming what is wrong and to act right upon it. BOUNDARIES people. In my case, I need to believe men when they show me their behaviour and not excuse, solve or talk about it. Simple action.... I am not in for that. No integrity, no Valbona. Of course they’re not gonna call themselves liars, but they are. Not because they want to, but because they trained themselves to be… BECAUSE it is accepted, because EVERYBODY does it…

We are sooooooo indoctrinated and desensitized by movies, media and constant information attack, that our nervous system filters just everything away, even wrong behavior becomes normal. We really believe, one little behaviour does not make a difference and that looking the other way is just easier. That if that children hands that create that iphone for me, has nothing to do with me… and even if, it is better to shush it and continue life. Because we all think, we cannot change anything anyway. What a BULLSHIT.

In which universe is it worthwihile living, when we have to suppress every day so much? No wonder we all explode or implode from time to time… No wonder depression and other mental illnesses are on its peak. We all feel and instead of seeing that the world is wrong, we think something within us needs to be fixed. You do not need fixing, your emotions do not need fixing, this f*cking society needs to. 

I am done with it. I am done with accepting. I am done with playfulness in situations where we should screeeeeeeeam from the fcking top of our lungs… where no fcks are given anymore. Because we need to change the course of this world… protect our hearts, souls, our children, animals and all of this beautiful mother earth that we call home.

It is time to level up.
To change.
To not only be better… but DO BETTER.

Let’s talk. Let’s act. Let’s change together.